And again I've hit a wall in my psychological health and stopped contributing.
To be fair, I've played in a Netrunner Tournament and won exactly half my games, so that was good. Another friend has a card game that is awesome (not just saying because he's my friend) that is still in playtest but is really fun and fits my concept for how to make money nowadays with games, but more on that later. Haven't caught any of the major films this season yet, and there are some spectacular specimens out there: Ex Machina, Avengers 2, Mad Max. Even the yardwork is helping cheer me up, when it's not too desert-like out there.
Runescape-wise (remember Runescape?), I've started exploring the Wilderness for better loot (and died once braving the Lava Maze), got my Explorers' Ring 4 (with only 67 Smithing, I might humbly add), and even started taking part in the Tuska World Event, having been AWOL for every World Event up to this point. So everything is coming up roses.
But I'm still subject to funks that suck all joy and energy from me. Ironically, the mindless repetition of mining or woodcutting passes the time with meaningless landmarks but doesn't accomplish any meaningful.
And for now, I need small meaningful accomplishments. The thought of trying anything big or major sends me mentally scurrying. But small successes might just be what the doctor ordered.
Being a math geek, I tend to think in quantifiable terms. Victor Vroom (I'm NOT making up that name) studied motivation and behaviour and built a formula to measure the impetus/likelihood/degree to which any person would attack a given task:
Ability x Expectancy x Valence = Motivation
Ability is your assessment of tools and support to accomplish a given task. I.e. if you know you don't have the strength to move a boulder with your bare hands, you're not going to approach that task with much enthusiasm or success. Expectancy is your assessment of the likelihood of receiving acknowledgement or reward for completing said task. If your boss treats you like crap and tells you to do some extra chores off the clock, you know there's no reward waiting for you. Finally, Valence is the importance or significance attached in your mind to the task at hand. If you hate a class and don't care about getting a good grade, studying isn't important either and thus unlikely to happen.
So Motivation is the product of all three! And like any multiplication solution, bring any part of the formula to nil turns the result unalterably to zero. You might find some task important and within your abilities, but think you'd never get credit upon successful completion. Or you might know there's a huge reward and you want to do the job, but if you don't have the proper tools, no amount of wishful thinking will erase that shortcoming.
Thinking back to my younger self, I never understood jokes. So when I was left home alone one afternoon with the rest of the family ran errands, my dad joked, "Have dinner ready by the time we get back."
The twelve-year-old me panicked and tried to figure out what to do. Obviously I'd been told to make dinner because my dad felt it well within my capabilities, although I had only prepared cereal, toast and ramen for myself previously. Yet I found both boxed Macaroni & Cheese as well as plain elbow macaroni. I cut up tomatoes, celery and olives to make a pasta salad with the plain noodles, and then had Mac&Cheese as the hot part of the dinner. All before the return of my parents.
I didn't know I could do it, but that didn't stop me. Why can't I be that motivated kid again, unafraid of failure and unwilling to believe my talents have limits?
Good hunting!
~ Tidwin ~
